The differences between MEN, WOMEN, and online dating behaviors
By Dr. Hans Rauk, PHD
There are new studies that show how men and women use online date sites differently. In general, while women focus on the serious issues of safety and results, men usually have a more casual and visual approach. If we examine how men and women differ in their use of dating sites, this can help you determine which sites to choose and how to use them for the best results for what you are seeking.
One of the biggest realities of online dating is that its participants often misrepresent themselves in the profiles that they create. Not everyone tells the truth. People have been known to lie about everything, including their marital status. Some married individuals try to pass themselves off as single, while others lie about their physical appearance, age, economic status, and even gender. It is beyond belief sometimes how people actually think they can get away with lies long term. For an inexperienced online dater, the danger can be real. While women are less likely to be dishonest in their profiles then men, women are more likely to omit significant details that might give a negative impression. For this reason, online daters of both sexes should not make assumptions and ask questions even for the basics; i.e. Married or single, any children, what do you do for work, etc.
Studies have shown that women are more likely to join serious dating sites that offer paid memberships and seek out potential partners as the sites have been designed. Even when the site offers free membership for women but men have to pay a nominal fee, women have more trust in the site and the male members. Studies also show that men have a tendency to join sites that offer a lot of pictures of women and browse the pictures rather than be serious about the search. However, when men join paid dating sites they are very much less likely to just browse pictures but instead conduct a serious search in much the same way women seek out a partner.
Fact to remember…online dating services that offer PAID subscriptions are safer than those that can be accessed for free. Those sites that require paid membership offer a set of requirements, and guidelines that aspiring members would have to meet before they become subscribers. Also people have a strong tendency to be more HONEST and SERIOUS if they have paid for a service. While it seems harmless to join one of the free online dating sites to see how they operate, more often then not is a major waste of time as you wade through the masses of free ads with unverified information and/or people who joined and never came back to the site again.
Women put much more credibility into sites that require some sort of paid membership and require anyone wanting to join undergo some sort of screening process first. A majority of men do not use the same benchmark when choosing a date site. While men don’t put the same priority on safety as women, if a male wants to seriously meet a woman online, he would be well advised to seek out such a site(s). Some offer various methods of checking on aspiring members to make sure that the information they have given checks out. Sites that offer sexual predator checks are rare but do offer a layer of reliable protection without being too intrusive or add to the cost of the services. Sexual predator databases are much more up to date and consistent than overall criminal databases. While there is never a guarantee that any background check is accurate, if there are some protections in place it will help to weed out the obvious losers within the online dating population.
With the advent of “Social networking” sites, many people have assumed that these can take the place of online dating sites. This cannot be farther from the truth! Social networking sites like MySpace and Friendster are free to join, have no real identity verification, and can be actually more dangerous for either sex. More personal information is revealed on social network sites than on most dating sites and many do not even verify as much as the email address. Such sites spawn deceit and games to the detriment of anyone using them for anything but keeping in touch with friends whom they already have a history. They are designed for just exactly what they call themselves…social networking… NOT DATING! Regardless of what sex you are, if you are serious about getting into the dating stream, online dating sites are designed for such a purpose.
Just remember, when beginning an online relationship there are some essential techniques to stay out of trouble. Pay attention to the consistency of the information given to you by the person you are corresponding with. This way you should be able to detect if they're lying. Online daters should protect their identity. One of the greatest things about online dating is that it offers participants anonymity. Personal information like: address, last name, phone number should not revealed until you have established a solid comfort level. Abruptly cease communication with people who are obsessed with acquiring personal information about you too soon and too detailed. Always keep a look out for warning signs when you are talking to people, such as: the use of foul language, signs of anger for no apparent reason, elusiveness in answering direct questions, makes disrespectful remarks, etc. Especially watch out for inconsistent answers to questions you have asked before. These are the symptoms that spell something could terribly go wrong. The person that is exhibiting these types of behavior may not be trustworthy, and may lead others to danger. Online dating is similar to real life dating in the sense that individuals should always practice common sense and caution, whenever they meet someone new. Even though, the interaction takes place online, once people have revealed personal information about them to others, they won't be able to take them back.
It is best to always use one's instincts and logic when it comes to dealing with other people, even when it comes to online dating. This is where some people fall prey to cheaters, deceivers, and even sexual offenders. They go against their better judgment. If something feels amiss, like there is something not quite right, then this is probably a sign that something can go terribly wrong. It is best to get out of this situation whenever this occurs.
As the saying goes, "Better be safe then sorry". A saying that online daters should always remember.
*About background checks…things to consider:
There is one site that promises that all members have been screened for criminal records and marital status. Problem with this site is that marriage information is impossible to accurately verify and the background check is so superficial, far out of date and incomplete as to actually be giving a very false sense of security (this is TRUE).
Lately, background checks have been a hot topic for petty state legislators looking to grab headlines. The problem is that a single state dictating rules for all online dating sites nationwide is not only stupidly absurd but also unworkable. There are no central criminal background databases that are complete and what constitutes a credible background check is a matter of dispute. Passing unworkable laws will not only add to the costs of online dating but also bring up liability issues for online sites giving members a sense of security that cannot be counted on.
